Life is fragile......

It is amazing to me how quickly things can change. I called a friend last night just to check up. Her husband has been battling cancer for some time now. "How are you doing?" She says she's okay and then she tells me the doctors figure her husband has three more days left to live......he just wants to go home, lay in their bed and hold his wife one last time. Then she tells me "God is good" Isn't it ironic that the broken hearted are the ones who most understand the goodness of God?

It made me think, what if I had only three days left with Todd? The little irritants wouldn't matter anymore, I would lace every word with love. I would not let him leave a room without holding him and telling him I love him. His needs and desires would matter more than mine, I would put aside everything to please him. As I write this, it occurs to me, I would do exactly what God has called me to all along......

Worthy

I got a call the other night. "I messed up really, really bad. I don't feel like I am worthy enough to ask for forgiveness."

That comes up a lot.
This time I have really done it.
I will get my life straightened around then I will come to Christ.
You don't know what I have done.......

When were we ever made worthy by what we did? The Bible says our righteousness is like filthy rags. What right did we ever have to ask for forgiveness?

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

It is the blood of a Savior that makes us worthy. You can't do enough to earn it. You can't do enough wrong to revoke the offer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Gentle reminders....

2 Chronicles 28: 22-23
Now in the time of his distress this same King Ahaz became yet more unfaithful to the Lord. For he sacrificed to the gods of Damascus which had defeated him, and said, "Because the gods of the kinds of Aram helped them, I will sacrifice to them that they may help me." But they became the downfall of him and all Israel.

Friday night I was in a time of distress. I was so discouraged, I did not even want to read my Bible. "Lord," I prayed "I have nothing to offer you. No prayer to give, all I can do is just read Your word and hope that You will minister to me"

My eyes fell on 2 Chronicles 28: 22-23. A reminder from my Lord that my idols will not save me from my distress, instead they will be my downfall. I need to trust and lean on the Lord and cry out to Him for my deliverance. The things the world can offer may give temporary satisfaction but they will be my downfall and may affect my whole family.

It is a simple thing to trust......yet still so difficult.

Happy New Year!!

It's a new year, a new start.....although other than the date not much has changed. We are looking to make this year better than the last but new motivations fizzle as we become accustomed to writing "2009" instead of "2008"

I don't want to spend a lot of time focusing on what has been except to examine what can be done better. I want to focus on growing, become more fluid in God's hands, more humble before Him. I want Him to find joy as He works to train me as His child, not frustrated because I am too stubborn to yield. I want to be eager to receive His blessings and eager to bless Him in return. I want to know Him more intimately and remove "if it is in God's will" from my vocabulary because I will know Him so well, I will know His will.

All my sheep have gone astray......

Chasing sheep is not. fun. My dear daughter is only eight so she can't be blamed; but she let the sheep out on her last trip to water them. All of the sheep and their guardian dog.......

Let me tell you about my sheep......
My husband labored for days and sometimes nights to build a (expensive) safe and durable fence. The fence is necessary, not only to keep them in, but also to keep to predators out. We picked the best spot on our 20 acres for their home. A lovely hilly area that was once used as a hay field. We partitioned it off so that we could rotate them to help prevent worms. At one end of this lovely pasture is a tree that lends it's branches to shade them. But my sheep, my dear beloved sheep spend most of their time sitting in the sun, in the dirt at the gate!! Hoping to be let out! They don't explore all of the lovely space we have given them......they don't lay in the cool lush grass under the shade.......they stay at the fence and feel bad for themselves because of what they can't do!

As we chased sheep, and watched them run in all different directions, it occured to me: I can't keep my sheep safe unless they are in the fence! When they run away from me I can't protect them and they need my protection. If one should get lost and not be found, it's chances of survival are almost nil. A coyote, stray dog or any predator with a taste for sheep meat would easily catch and kill them. In the fence and under my care they are well protected. The fence keeps these critters out and the Livestock Guardian Dog alerts me when there is animal that doesn't belong roaming near them. But, say they make it somehow and survive without me? How will they rid themselves of the burden they carry on their back? The wonderful wool that I can use to make beautiful yarn, can actually make them sick if left too long. Even kill them...... Yes, sheep need a shephard (or in my case a shephardess!) They need someone to care for them. They need protection for enemies that are too powerful for them. I wish I could make them understand.........

So because of my love for my sheep, I ignored their struggling to get away. I held on tight and in a very undignified way we wrestled them back into the fence; where they would be safe.

I have learned a lot from sheep..........

The issue of trust......

I make lunch at 12:00 and dinner at 6:00. Dinner is not on the table at 5:30 or 5:00. It is not needed until 6:00. My children don't panic when they don't see dinner on the table before 6:00 and they don't come in to check to make sure I am making dinner. They trust me. They believe I will make dinner because I have always taken care of this need.

I have been praying for a need to be met for a couple of weeks now. It would be nice if it were taken care of early so that I can relax. I don't "need" the answer now. I "want" the answer now. I want reassurance that God hears me.

So as I wait, and wait, I become discouraged. Why? Because I am afraid that God won't come through for me. Unlike my children I do not assume that just because God has meet all my needs in the past, He will meet this one also. Dinner is not on the table so I assume it won't be. I begin to walk by sight and not by faith.

To make matters worse our favorite lamb was found dead this morning. He was such a friendly little guy and he delighted us to no end. It is a small thing in the grand scheme of things but today it is huge in my heart. I am tempted by this small thing to question the goodness and love of God.

To trust is to make the decision to behave as if you are taken care of, to believe that God is indeed acting on your behalf, in your best interests. To see the empty table and not fear that dinner won't be there.


Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1 ASV

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the field produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet and make me walk on my high places. Habakkuk 2:17-19 ASV

And when my heart is overwhelmed.....

Please lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

I am a bit discouraged. I am glad that fixing problems is not up to me, or fixing myself for that matter. The pizzeria has been busy (Thank you God) but we are short on employees as it is and have a key employee leaving in about 6 days. I have a pile of applications, a big pile, and not one good prospect. We need a trust worthy person who can deliver and manage shifts. Not one application looks promising....... It has occurred to me several times that God does not have deadlines. He knows when the right timing is and doesn't have to be reminded. We pray today for what we need tomorrow, hoping the answer comes today. It will come when it is needed and in between trust and faith must be applied.