Of buttons and strings and other useless things…

 

Do you happen to remember Janis Joplin’s song “Mercedes Benz”?

Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz

My friends all drive porsches I must make amends…..

This walk that God and I are on is pretty amazing.   It seems He works in themes.   While at Near on Monday God brought to mind James 4:1-3.

^1-2Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

^2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. (James 4:1-3 The Message)

My spirit groaned within me.  I understood.  completely.  The New King James says it this way :

You ask and you do not receive because you ask amiss that you may spend it on your pleasures. (VS 3)

I have been crying out to God.   “Teach me to love You.”

He has been answering.

Learn to love what I love.  Cry out for that.   Cry out for justice, for hope, for freedom for the captives.   Stop crying out for your own selfish desires, to satisfy your own pleasure.

While in the book store on Monday God spoke again and reminded me of a song from my childhood, Mercedes Benz.  A song I can’t remember not knowing by heart.

Oh Lord won’t you buy me a night on the town?

Prove that you love me and buy the next round…

If you have been reading along since the beginning you remember my reflection from the post tripping:

The strongholds remained, the anger persisted and the peace evaded me.  God doesn’t love me…I decided. He doesn’t answer my prayers….He doesn’t care…I don’t even know if He is really there…

Rachel. Do you see now?   The unanswered prayer is not a reflection of my love for you.   I don’t answer prayer to prove my love.  I already did that.  The question of My love is settled.  I will not give you those things that will destroy you or cause you to be more focused on yourself and less focused on Me.  I love you way too much for that.

 

I came home from the bookstore with one book in hand…a  departure from my typical “buy everything in sight until the credit card screams”.  In my seeking after God He has convicted me of the need to live simply and with contentment.   After arriving home I took a brief inventory of my massive book collection.  I won’t bore you with the details but I was shocked to see how I had wasted the resources God has given me on useless things I was convinced for a short time that I needed.  Interestingly many of the needed books have never been read.   I am learning to want less trinkets and instead to want God.

 

What an amazing love….

Jesus loves me this I know…

Jesus loves me this I know…

Jesus loves me this I know…

Jesus loves me this I know…

Jesus loves me this I know…

Jesus loves me this I know…

 

Six words that mean so much.

It would have been enough….

If He had just called me out of darkness - it would have been enough.

But he gave me joy…

If He had just forgiven me – it would have been enough.

But He called me His child…

Even if He had just left me to die in my sin – it would have been enough.

But He has made me beautiful with His Salvation.

What praise is enough for a God like this?   What sacrifice is worthy?   How can I glorify anything but You?

Simplicity

Why is it that what is so easy for my nine year old –is at times so difficult for me?

But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.

II Corinthians 11:3

Rebuilding the Ancient Ruins…

…And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; you will raise up the age-old foundations; and you will be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of the streets in which to dwell…

Isaiah 58:11-12

Spiritual Warfare…..how real, how easy mistaken for just the daily difficulties of life.   How like Elijah- we climb Mount Carmel so confident in the Lord’s work only to run from Jezebel…how desperate we are for God.  How ignorant we often are of that need.

I have been fasting each Monday since Near began and I have set my heart to seek and run after God.   I have stood on the mountain and declared the power of God and huddled in my bed with tears streaming in discouragement. 

The above passage from Isaiah follows God’s call for fasting.

Is this not the fast I choose to loosen the bonds of wickedness….

And if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted

Then your light will rise in darkness…

We are often told that nothing worthwhile comes easy.  I will keep crying, I will keep seeking and when I can no longer run I will crawl.

Jesus, can I have more of you?

How interesting…

Many of you know that we lost our oldest son to cancer in 2005.  And as those of you who have lost a loved know- much like a broken bone, the wound heals but everytime it rains you still ache.

Lately it has been raining in my life a lot.  I am leaning on God and trusting Him for direction but it often feels like I am just wandering in the wilderness.

When you walk through the water…I will be with you…

It seems I spend more time crying then not. 

When you walk through the river, the waves will not overtake you…

Then an interesting thing happened.

I am in a contest at the gym near one of my restaurants.  There is a group of six of us and a coach.   I thought the coach looked a bit familiar but figured that it she was one of many people that go through my restaurant.

When you walk on the fire…

Turns out I know her from somewhere else.  She is one of the nurses who cared for my son while he was in the hospital.

the flames they will not touch you…

My manager in a passing conversation mentioned my son after I had left.  How he had died…

“I can’t talk to you about it” ….”tell Rachel I am here if she wants to talk.”

You are mine.

So unexpected.  The tears come again…and it’s already raining.

You are mine.

 

(The italicized words are lyrics from You are Mine from Enter the Worship Circle 3.  While at Near on Monday night, I asked for prayer and the lyrics were mentioned.  How wonderfully fitting…)

our eyes are on You…

Today marks the second week of Near…

I really don’t know what to share today but I felt I must share something.  I am struggling and have been for the past two weeks.  Nothing major has happened…nobody has died, all is well but…

the daily disappointments and discouragements seem a bit overwhelming right now….i feel forgotten and alone…

This morning in my daily reading I came across this-

…For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.  2 chronicles 20:12

It is enough.  To look to God for the answers and patiently wait…