All my sheep have gone astray......

Chasing sheep is not. fun. My dear daughter is only eight so she can't be blamed; but she let the sheep out on her last trip to water them. All of the sheep and their guardian dog.......

Let me tell you about my sheep......
My husband labored for days and sometimes nights to build a (expensive) safe and durable fence. The fence is necessary, not only to keep them in, but also to keep to predators out. We picked the best spot on our 20 acres for their home. A lovely hilly area that was once used as a hay field. We partitioned it off so that we could rotate them to help prevent worms. At one end of this lovely pasture is a tree that lends it's branches to shade them. But my sheep, my dear beloved sheep spend most of their time sitting in the sun, in the dirt at the gate!! Hoping to be let out! They don't explore all of the lovely space we have given them......they don't lay in the cool lush grass under the shade.......they stay at the fence and feel bad for themselves because of what they can't do!

As we chased sheep, and watched them run in all different directions, it occured to me: I can't keep my sheep safe unless they are in the fence! When they run away from me I can't protect them and they need my protection. If one should get lost and not be found, it's chances of survival are almost nil. A coyote, stray dog or any predator with a taste for sheep meat would easily catch and kill them. In the fence and under my care they are well protected. The fence keeps these critters out and the Livestock Guardian Dog alerts me when there is animal that doesn't belong roaming near them. But, say they make it somehow and survive without me? How will they rid themselves of the burden they carry on their back? The wonderful wool that I can use to make beautiful yarn, can actually make them sick if left too long. Even kill them...... Yes, sheep need a shephard (or in my case a shephardess!) They need someone to care for them. They need protection for enemies that are too powerful for them. I wish I could make them understand.........

So because of my love for my sheep, I ignored their struggling to get away. I held on tight and in a very undignified way we wrestled them back into the fence; where they would be safe.

I have learned a lot from sheep..........

The issue of trust......

I make lunch at 12:00 and dinner at 6:00. Dinner is not on the table at 5:30 or 5:00. It is not needed until 6:00. My children don't panic when they don't see dinner on the table before 6:00 and they don't come in to check to make sure I am making dinner. They trust me. They believe I will make dinner because I have always taken care of this need.

I have been praying for a need to be met for a couple of weeks now. It would be nice if it were taken care of early so that I can relax. I don't "need" the answer now. I "want" the answer now. I want reassurance that God hears me.

So as I wait, and wait, I become discouraged. Why? Because I am afraid that God won't come through for me. Unlike my children I do not assume that just because God has meet all my needs in the past, He will meet this one also. Dinner is not on the table so I assume it won't be. I begin to walk by sight and not by faith.

To make matters worse our favorite lamb was found dead this morning. He was such a friendly little guy and he delighted us to no end. It is a small thing in the grand scheme of things but today it is huge in my heart. I am tempted by this small thing to question the goodness and love of God.

To trust is to make the decision to behave as if you are taken care of, to believe that God is indeed acting on your behalf, in your best interests. To see the empty table and not fear that dinner won't be there.


Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1 ASV

Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the field produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet and make me walk on my high places. Habakkuk 2:17-19 ASV

And when my heart is overwhelmed.....

Please lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

I am a bit discouraged. I am glad that fixing problems is not up to me, or fixing myself for that matter. The pizzeria has been busy (Thank you God) but we are short on employees as it is and have a key employee leaving in about 6 days. I have a pile of applications, a big pile, and not one good prospect. We need a trust worthy person who can deliver and manage shifts. Not one application looks promising....... It has occurred to me several times that God does not have deadlines. He knows when the right timing is and doesn't have to be reminded. We pray today for what we need tomorrow, hoping the answer comes today. It will come when it is needed and in between trust and faith must be applied.

I am going to tell on myself today......

Yesterday was my husband's and my 10th anniversary and I was mad. Really. Mad. Mad enough that I refused to go out to dinner with him, mad enough that I was completely ignoring the Spirit's promptings and my husband's attempts to be gracious. I was throwing a fit. Yet, in my rebellion God reached down to me in a way that magnified His love for me and humbled me immensely. I am reminded now that God's love truly is not dependant upon my behavior, bad or otherwise, but His love is determined by His character. He loves because He is love. Yes, He disciplines and He rebukes, but always out of love. How thankful I am for that wonderous love.

It's been a long time....

since I posted so I felt I better say something even if it is just: It's been a long time since I posted!

When God takes what you can not bear to lose.....

I was recently working on one of the Bible studies I am doing (Believing God by Beth Moore) and the author discussed the miracles of healing that have occurred in people she knows. Discussion like this always open the old wound....why does God say no to some and yes to others....or as I have felt...why does He say no to me?

I remember vividly standing in the room with our dear family as our oldest son lay dying. I remember looking at him and thinking "God, you could heal him!" That day God said no. He said no to the dreams we had for that beautiful boy. He said no to my prayer "Lord the dead can't praise You!" He chose to take what we could not bear to lose.

But you see, God knows something that we have a difficult time understanding. Especially when we are hurting. God knows the best thing He can give us is Himself. God knew when He took my son and broke my heart and the heart of my children and husband that He would give us something that we may not have gained any other way. Those who have everything pulled out from under them and who see God through the eyes of searing pain are those who see God. It is much like Job said "My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You." (chapter 42 v 5)

When God takes what you can not bear to lose......He gives you Himself and He bears it for you.

Held (written from memory, sung by Natalie Grant)

Two months is too little, they let go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is apalling
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
from nightmares?

This is what it means
to be held
How it feels when the sacred it torn from your life
and you survive
This is what it is
to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
You want to taste it let the hatred numb the sorrow
The wise hand opens slowly
to lillies of the valley and
tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior?

Create in me a clean heart...

Ps 51:10
Create in me a clean heart , O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
ASV

Genesis 1 tells us that God "created" the heavens and the earth. The Hebrew word for create here is bara'.* This means in a nutshell to create from nothing. Only God can create from nothing! In the beginning God created from nothing, using no tools or raw materials, the heavens and the earth.

Gen 2:7
the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
NIV

The word for "formed" is yatsar which means to mould into a form; especially as a potter.* In other words when God created Adam he used existing materials: the dust of the ground and the breath of life.

What does this have to do with Psalm 51:10? The Hebrew word for create in Genesis 1:1 is the same word used in Psalm 51:10! It does not say form in me a clean heart as you formed the first man but CREATE in my a clean heart as you created the heaven and the earth! The clean heart I receive from God will be a new creation! He will not form it from existing materials, it will be brand new and pure. And, just as there was nothing I could do in the creation of world there is nothing I can do in the creation of my clean heart except this one thing: submit. When I submit God will create.


*(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright © 1994, 2003 Biblesoft, Inc. and International Bible Translators, Inc.)