I am going to tell on myself today......

Yesterday was my husband's and my 10th anniversary and I was mad. Really. Mad. Mad enough that I refused to go out to dinner with him, mad enough that I was completely ignoring the Spirit's promptings and my husband's attempts to be gracious. I was throwing a fit. Yet, in my rebellion God reached down to me in a way that magnified His love for me and humbled me immensely. I am reminded now that God's love truly is not dependant upon my behavior, bad or otherwise, but His love is determined by His character. He loves because He is love. Yes, He disciplines and He rebukes, but always out of love. How thankful I am for that wonderous love.

It's been a long time....

since I posted so I felt I better say something even if it is just: It's been a long time since I posted!

When God takes what you can not bear to lose.....

I was recently working on one of the Bible studies I am doing (Believing God by Beth Moore) and the author discussed the miracles of healing that have occurred in people she knows. Discussion like this always open the old wound....why does God say no to some and yes to others....or as I have felt...why does He say no to me?

I remember vividly standing in the room with our dear family as our oldest son lay dying. I remember looking at him and thinking "God, you could heal him!" That day God said no. He said no to the dreams we had for that beautiful boy. He said no to my prayer "Lord the dead can't praise You!" He chose to take what we could not bear to lose.

But you see, God knows something that we have a difficult time understanding. Especially when we are hurting. God knows the best thing He can give us is Himself. God knew when He took my son and broke my heart and the heart of my children and husband that He would give us something that we may not have gained any other way. Those who have everything pulled out from under them and who see God through the eyes of searing pain are those who see God. It is much like Job said "My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You." (chapter 42 v 5)

When God takes what you can not bear to lose......He gives you Himself and He bears it for you.

Held (written from memory, sung by Natalie Grant)

Two months is too little, they let go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is apalling
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
from nightmares?

This is what it means
to be held
How it feels when the sacred it torn from your life
and you survive
This is what it is
to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
You want to taste it let the hatred numb the sorrow
The wise hand opens slowly
to lillies of the valley and
tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior?

Create in me a clean heart...

Ps 51:10
Create in me a clean heart , O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
ASV

Genesis 1 tells us that God "created" the heavens and the earth. The Hebrew word for create here is bara'.* This means in a nutshell to create from nothing. Only God can create from nothing! In the beginning God created from nothing, using no tools or raw materials, the heavens and the earth.

Gen 2:7
the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
NIV

The word for "formed" is yatsar which means to mould into a form; especially as a potter.* In other words when God created Adam he used existing materials: the dust of the ground and the breath of life.

What does this have to do with Psalm 51:10? The Hebrew word for create in Genesis 1:1 is the same word used in Psalm 51:10! It does not say form in me a clean heart as you formed the first man but CREATE in my a clean heart as you created the heaven and the earth! The clean heart I receive from God will be a new creation! He will not form it from existing materials, it will be brand new and pure. And, just as there was nothing I could do in the creation of world there is nothing I can do in the creation of my clean heart except this one thing: submit. When I submit God will create.


*(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright © 1994, 2003 Biblesoft, Inc. and International Bible Translators, Inc.)

Depression

I have struggled with this for a long time. I am going to lay this before God and really pray through it! I am ready to be delivered and set free from this!

The Love of God...

I came across these lyrics while practicing my guitar tonight:

Could we with ink the oceans fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the oceans dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.

I try God's love so often. I am humbled to think how vast His love for us truly is. I simply cannot fathom it.

The Surpassing Greatness of Power .....

to those who believe. Wow! Here is the entire verse: Eph 1:18-21

18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,

19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength,

20 which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,

21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.
NIV

I started Beth Moore's Online study Live Beyond Yourself but I am doing it with a friend and she experiencing technical difficulties so.....I am doing Believing God in the meantime. I am really enjoying it. Above is what we studied yesterday. I don't understand the Power of God, I don't understand faith. Not at all like I should. I am eager to learn!