When God takes what you cannot bear to lose…

I was recently working on one of the Bible studies I am doing (Believing God by Beth Moore) and the author discussed the miracles of healing that have occurred in people she knows. Discussion like this always open the old wound....why does God say no to some and yes to others....or as I have felt...why does He say no to me?
I remember vividly standing in the room with our dear family as our oldest son lay dying. I remember looking at him and thinking "God, you could heal him!" That day God said no. He said no to the dreams we had for that beautiful boy. He said no to my prayer "Lord the dead can't praise You!" He chose to take what we could not bear to lose.
But you see, God knows something that we have a difficult time understanding. Especially when we are hurting. God knows the best thing He can give us is Himself. God knew when He took my son and broke my heart and the heart of my children and husband that He would give us something that we may not have gained any other way. Those who have everything pulled out from under them and who see God through the eyes of searing pain are those who see God. It is much like Job said "My ears had heard of You but now my eyes have seen You." (chapter 42 v 5)
When God takes what you can not bear to lose......He gives you Himself and He bears it for you.

Held (written from memory, sung by Natalie Grant)
Two months is too little, they let go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
take a child from his mother while she prays
is apalling
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved
from nightmares?
This is what it means
to be held
How it feels when the sacred it torn from your life
and you survive
This is what it is
to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
You want to taste it let the hatred numb the sorrow
The wise hand opens slowly
to lillies of the valley and
tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior?

(Orignally posted in 2009)

Sowing Seeds

 

 

I watched as my daughter dropped the corn seeds into the dirt.   A dried up kernel.  Buried.  I thought how amazing it is that this small yellow bit of nothing would, if given time and the necessary things of life, grow into a large stalk and would bear many, many kernels.   But this one kernel first must be covered with dirt.

We spent the day sowing seeds, the kids and I.  We buried, hoping for growth.  Believing that one would turn into many…

I thought this evening about how God gives us so much.  That He takes the little we offer, the one dried up seed, and grows it so tall.  I thought how we must be buried, we must die.

I think this post from A Holy Experience says it well…

Boy, I needed that….

 

Vacation that is….I took my four youngest children to Florence, KY for a mini vacation.   We had a wonderful time!

We visited the Creation Museum, Newport Aquarium and the Cincinnati Zoo.   All in all it was a lovely time and a fabulous rest from the treadmill.

Waiting for me when I got home was this wonderful swap package!  (notice the Golding spindle?  my first!)

I also got my order from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab (I have a thing for these perfumes)

And finally since the first day of TDF is today I spent an hour spinning camel on my drop spindle :)

Remember me…

 

Today is the 5 year anniversary of the day we lost our son and were forced to live the rest of our lives without him. I hope you will take a moment to read the following excerpt of his journal, which we found after his death.

The War
How I see it.....
Todd Louis Peck II, February 2005
My intention in this journal is to record as best as possible the spiritual warfare surrounding my recent relapse of cancer so that I may later remember the lessons learned and perhaps share them with others. In fact, sharing the lessons is actually the bigger of my two reasons. My greatest hope is that through my fight and this record of it, others will be equipped and encouraged to take the fight to the Enemy. I believe that all of life is a war fought over the souls of each individual and everything that happens in life somehow fits into this war, whether we know it or not. So when hardships and trials come they ought to be viewed as Enemy attacks and dealt with accordingly.
In war, the purpose of any attack is, of course, to gain some sort of advantage that will in some way bring you nearer ultimate victory. Rather, that sought after advantage is the destruction of some threat which the other has or the gaining of a position that leaves you a better position to threaten the other. The point is always to somehow harm the other's overall position in the great scheme of things.
Thus, this relapse of cancer that God allowed was and is inteneded by the Enemy to somehow gain him something. That something, in this case, is porobably to neutralize what the Enemy's high command perceives as a danger to their war efforts.
That threat may or may not be me (thought I like ot flatter myself that it is) but the fact is that, for whatever reason, I seem to have been chosen as the main point of attack. I therefore, as a soldier in the King's Army, have responsibility to stand and fight to make sure that the Enemy gains not an inch. For it is my (and every soldier's) duty to even turn this attack to the advantage of the Cause and the glory of the King.
This whole thing reasches far beyond me, however. It reaches into my family and into my church and community. I am just on fect of what is a large and complex battle being fought in this small theater of operation called West Michigan. The full extent of this larger fight I will not ever be able to fully comprehend this side of Heaven. Nor will I likely ever understand the extent to which my own standing or falling will influence the larger picture but I will stand!
Indeed, I am resolved to not just stand, but advance! I may be a small part of a huge batle but I will press my influence to its limits for the sake of the Cause.
Lord, have mercy if I should be cut down (i.e. if I allow the Enemy to get the better of me) fo rthe greater the effort, the greater the defeat in the case of failure. But by the grace of God, I shall not fail! As He wills, so may it be. Amen.

Listening

 

I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem;  they shall never hold their peace day or night.  You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent, and give HIM no rest until HE establishes and until HE make Jerusalem a praise in the earth.  Is. 62:6-7

last night marked week 18 of Near.  each week God has been faithful to listen, each week God has been faithful to speak.

there has been answered prayer for tangible things….a new washing machine

there has been answered prayer for the unseen….a wounded heart beginning the healing process

each week He seemed to work on a theme:

help me to love You….

help me to wait on You….

Micah 7:7 but as for me I will watch expectantly for the Lord, I will wait for the God of my Salvation.  my God will hear me.

help me to walk in freedom….

Is. 52:2 shake yourself from the dust o captive jerusalem.  loose yourself from the chains around your neck, o captive daughter of zion

help me to trust you….

Jer. 1:19  they will fight against you but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you declares the Lord

let me know You….

teach me to die…

2 Cor. 4:7 for the love of God controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died. 

last night Is. 62:6-7 spoke to my husband and I in a profound way…

Lord teach us to pray.

Mr. Scientist You Can Keep Your Test Tubes

 

did you hear?   they can now create life in a test tube.   yeah, that’s what they say.   they also say that there is no longer any mystery in the creation of life, it’s just a matter of lining the dna up in the right order.   apparently they don’t need God.   at least that seems to be what they are saying... 

i say the miracle of life can not be contained in a test tube.   i say that when God knit us together He meant just that.   as a knitter myself I know that means he touched Every Stitch.  no part of His creation is without His touch, His breath.

i say the greater mystery is not just that He created us but that He called us.   that He has endured with patient love so long those who have scorned His words, turned their back on His love.  that despite all my worthless attempts at saving myself and all my filthy rags He still calls me His Child.   i say the mysteries of God are more than cells.  they are living moving beings… carrying in these earthly vessels the Spirit of God.   try to put that in your test tubes.

Picking Favorites

 

Sunday was shearing day at the farm.  As the shearer did the necessary job of removing the year’s wool from each my sheep.  I found myself looking at each one and thinking how much I cared for them.

As each one came in the barn for his or her turn I often found myself thinking “there’s so and so, she’s my favorite” and then “no, this one is my favorite”.  After a while of trying to decide which animal was my favorite it occurred to me that each one was my favorite for different reasons.   Kara is my favorite because she is such a good mom.  She once took in a lamb that was rejected by her mom and cared for her as her own.

Pebbles is my favorite because she was once so wild but now she comes right up to me for a rub.  Grace is my favorite because my husband saved her from a dog attack.

You know, I really think that is how God looks at us. 

“Oh yeah, she’s My favorite…she always takes time to talk to Me….”

“See him?  He is my favorite!  He is really has a heart for My word….”

“She’s My favorite for sure!  She may stumble but she gets right back up.  I love how she doesn’t give up.